and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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