Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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