she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize