he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
