you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
