the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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