it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
