history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
