Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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