I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
