RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
