Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
