A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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