Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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