I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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