Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
