he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
