'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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