Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
