but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My vagina is very pro this idea
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
