and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
