we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
