the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
