you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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