therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
