Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
