I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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