everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
