I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
