I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
