My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
