I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
