I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
