You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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