1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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