That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
