She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
only you would photoshop your dick
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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