Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
