People with herpes should wear stickers.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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