I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
