Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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