Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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