i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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