It was confusing and full of hummus
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.