My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.