Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....