why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen