you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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