I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
