those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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