Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I died a long time ago.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
