gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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