Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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