Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
