Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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