i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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