what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
