He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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