I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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