I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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