Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've blown a few things in my day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
