i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize